By Tim Binnall
Residents of a village in Russia were forced to take cover when a pet monkey went on a whiskey-fueled rampage believed to have been brought about by his owner getting married. The bizarre incident reportedly occurred last Friday in the community of Myliki when, in what was undoubtedly a decision that he later regretted, the husband of the animal's owner released the surly simian, named Garik, from his cage. Upon finding freedom, the monkey made a beeline for a bottle of whiskey and, after drinking some of the booze, set off to wreak havoc in the village.
Rampaging through the streets of Myliki, Garik proceeded to bite five different individuals who were unfortunate enough to encounter the drunk monkey during his troublesome travels. Along the way, the pugnacious primate picked up a variety of snacks to keep his ferocious energy up. However, this proved to be Garik's undoing as a group of villagers cleverly distracted the creature with some sugar cookies and subsequently captured him. The misadventure led to the monkey being sent to a nearby zoo since his owner was deemed incapable of caring for the creature.
This development is likely to be particularly heartbreaking for Garik as, in what may be the weirdest aspect of an already strange story, the animal's rampage is actually believed to have been borne out of jealousy. Specifically, his owner said, the creature had been acting increasingly aggressive ever since she got married a few years ago. As such, it has been suggested that Friday's incident was something of a misguided "it's him or me" ultimatum from the monkey that, for the lovesick simian, backfired spectacularly as he will now probably never see his owner again.