By Tim Binnall
In a bizarre story out of Texas, a man claiming to be from Saturn has filed a lawsuit against the federal government alleging that they have violated his civil rights. The self-proclaimed 'ascendant master' at the center of the strange case is reportedly an individual named Rickia Collings, who resides in city of Allen. In actual paperwork filed last Friday in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Texas, the man names himself "Capricornus God of Sun Rickia" and asserts that he hails from both the United States as well as the planet Saturn. As one might have surmised, the lawsuit only gets weirder from there.
Based on the case filing, it would appear that Rickia contends that he has been living on this planet since before the formation of the United States as he argues that the federal government has been discriminating against him from July 4th, 1776 until the present day. Also inexplicably named in the lawsuit are co-defendants the United Nations and the United Kingdom. Why, exactly, the extraterrestrial plaintiff filed the suit is incredibly hard to decipher as the circumstances for the alleged discrimination laid out by Rickia amount to little more than a rambling screed punctuated with astrological and Biblical terms.
Equally inscrutable is a jaw-dropping seven-page-long handwritten affidavit which Rickia presumably included in the lawsuit as evidence. This manifesto fails to shed light on the nature of the lawsuit and consists largely of various esoteric terms and their corresponding definitions. Perhaps the only clue to the root of the case, in Rickia's eyes, is that it was classified as having to do with "rent, release or ejectment," but speculating beyond that is a fool's errand. And, in what is probably the least surprising aspect of the entire lawsuit, the aggrieved former inhabitant of Saturn lists himself as his own attorney. One imagines that the case is unlikely to get very far, which is unfortunate since we'd really love to watch that trial.