By Tim Binnall
The mayor of a small Canadian town is under fire after he enlisted a slingshot-wielding resident to murder a troublesome turkey that had been tormenting the community. The strange case reportedly began a few weeks ago when a rafter of the wild birds appeared in the town of Louiseville, Quebec. The veritable invasion quickly proved to be problematic as the territorial turkeys targeted several residents who found themselves unfortunate enough to cross their paths. When local wildlife officials were unable to put a stop to the strange siege, Louiseville mayor Yvon Deshaies called upon the community to go to war with the turkeys, specifically one particular feathered invader that had emerged as the most aggressive of the flock.
“The birds have claws like razor blades and they're large. When they spread their wings, they're five to six feet wide," the mayor observed, declaring that "I will not wait until a child is disfigured" before taking action against the turkeys. Although Deshaies first shockingly suggested that residents could solve the problem with baseball bats, he ultimately went Biblical on the birds by way of a community member adept at using a slingshot "like in the time of David and Goliath." Late last week, the mayor indicated that the hand-picked vigilante felled the turkey "with two metal stones in the head" during the odd episode that was overseen by local police officers.
As a reward for his murderous work, the resident was allowed to keep the turkey for future consumption while the creature's claws were gifted to the mayor. However, not everyone in the community is happy with Deshaies' actions as some people have called for his resignation over the matter while others have bombarded him with angry messages wherein "they said I’m worse than Putin." Despite being compared to the Russian depot, the mayor expressed no remorse for the murder of the bird and indicated that he would fight any fine that may come about as a result of the wild creature being killed. "For me, it's always the security of our citizens that comes first," he mused, "I acted as a good captain. I didn't abandon the ship.”