By Tim Binnall
Last week's test of the nationwide emergency alert system wound up causing something of a stir in an Ohio Amish community after it inadvertently revealed that some members were secretly in possession of cell phones. The odd turn of events reportedly came to light, ironically enough, by way of a TikTok video from a former member of the famously technologically averse order named Eli Yoder. He indicated that "over the years," he has secretly provided cell phones to "quite a few Amish men" who wished to be clandestinely connected to the outside world. The arrangement seemingly went swimmingly until last week when the federal government tested their national emergency alert system which blasted out a bulletin to everyone with such a device.
According to Yoder, shortly after the alert swept across the country on October 4th, he received word from three of his Amish friends that they were going to "have to lay low for a while," because they had just gotten shunned, which is a form of punishment wherein one is cut off from the community as a means of showing them the error of their ways. When he inquired as to how such a thing had occurred, they told him that the bulletin had broadcast on their phones despite having had them set to vibrate at the time. One particularly unlucky man, Yoder marveled, actually had the alert erupt from his cell phone just as he was meeting with community leaders about previous behavior that had already put him on the precipice of being shunned.
"The elders were coming in his driveway and they were there to speak with him" regarding a possible shun-worthy offense, Yoder said, "right when that was going on, the alert went off and it was in his pocket. Now he's getting shunned for both." It is uncertain how long the three Amish men will be cut off from their respective communities, though the punishment generally has a limit of around six weeks. One imagines that the shunning will be particularly painful for the busted individuals as not only will they be largely excluded from all activities, but they won't even have their cell phones to help pass the time.