By Tim Binnall
Wildlife officials in Pennsylvania say that a series of official-looking 'Bigfoot warnings' that appeared throughout the state's parks this summer are actually fake and that, in fact, the famed cryptid does not actually exist. According to a local media report, the Department of Conservation and Natural Resources (DCNR) were forced to issue the strange statement in response to a prankster who has spent the past several weeks plastering various wooded locations with a faux bulletin bearing the department's letterhead. The ominous announcements indicated that, "due to encounters in the area of a creature resembling 'Bigfoot,'" they were advising park visitors to exercise caution during their stay and to avoid Sasquatch if they see it.
After what one assumes were a number of inquiries concerning the weird word of warning, a spokesperson for the DCNR finally acknowledge the curious campaign this week. Stressing that the signs were not the work of the department, Wesley Robinson lamented that "we have seen them at parks for months and they are removed when they are reported or found by staff because they have not been authorized." No doubt fed up with the prodigious effort that has been put forward by the prankster, the spokesperson went on to seemingly take his ire out on poor Sasquatch, declaring that "Bigfoot isn't real," which may be the oddest official statement to come out of a government agency in quite some time.