Utah City's Yeti Mascot Rebuffs NHL Team

By Tim Binnall

In what may the beginning of a bizarre mascot feud, a Yeti that has long represented a Utah community has announced that he has no intentions of joining up with the forthcoming NHL team that many suspect will be adopting the same moniker. The delightfully weird declaration came about following news that the impending expansion franchise had narrowed its potential names down to six contenders, the most popular of which seems to be Yeti. In response to what it called "rumors and speculation" surrounding its resident abominable mascot, the city of Herriman released an official statement from the 'creature' wherein he made his loyalties clear.

The Herriman Yeti's rather lengthy missive first waxes poetic about his time representing the community over the last seven years, seemingly suggesting that his days as the city's mascot might be coming to an end. However, when the topic turns to "the surprising news" of the new Utah NHL team and the "unexpected buzz and questions" that have come with the team name, the cryptid left no doubt as to where its loyalties lie. "For months now, I've been asked about my future," the Yeti muses before dramatically declaring that "there's no way I'm going anywhere! I am Utah's original yeti mascot and my home and heart forever belong to Herriman!" Adding a comedic coda to the announcement, the creature conceded in very small print that "my brother might take the hockey gig."

While the winner of the vote for the new team name has yet to be announced, it would appear that their general manager may have inadvertently spoiled the news late last week at the NHL draft. In discussing the player just chosen by the team, Bill Armstrong reportedly observed "that's when we knew he would be a Utah Yeti" As one might imagine, his surprising words carried significant weight with those waiting to see if the cryptid had made the proverbial cut. However, when pressed on the matter, the GM deftly replied: "I’m not allowed to pick the name, but I think the little kids in Utah vote about 25 times a day, so I think they got it.” Should that be the case, one can only hope that it eventually leads to some shenanigans between dueling Yeti mascots.